Rickmancing the Stone
by Maleageddon
Summary: Without Morty at his side, Rick must resort to unsavory methods to get a sidekick; unsavory methods that may destroy his family.


Rick stood in the garage, evaluating his setup one last time before he said the magic words. The impeccable salt circle should keep the demon from escaping on this side of the reality, and the flurbos sitting on the ground inside the salt should be enough for him to want to come to his summons. Rick stuffed his hands into the pockets of his lab coat, and then muttered, "Algaliarept".

For a few moments, nothing happened. The flurbos sat inside the circle undisturbed. Then, the paper notes suddenly disappeared, and the form of a tall man wearing green crushed velvet appeared.

"What in the living hell makes you think you can call me here." It was more a statement than a question.

Vague annoyance lived in Rick like a disease. Now, it came out in his voice. "Well, I've got your name, that's one. Plus all those flurbos you just took, which I'm _sure_ you'll pay me back for."

The demon responded, "Those flurbos are payment for me even showing up. If you're hoping to make a deal with the devil, well, I hope you have some extra souls lying around, Rrricky-Ticky."

Rick kicked his right foot back, resting the weight of that leg on his toes. "The devil is currently sitting in the coma ward of Mercy Hospital, so don't flatter yourself. I just need some help with a little project, and then this relationship will be done."

"And how do you plan to pay for this 'little project'? Hmmmm? Your soul would work nicely, a creature as smart as you would make a great familiar." The demon looked behind Rick, joy blooming into its voice. "What is that you have there? A portal gun? Interdimensional, I'm assuming." Rick finally looked into its face. Its smile was filled with pointed, shark-like teeth, far more than should ever fit in a mouth that size. Its cheekbones were too high, too pointed; it looked like the bones would protrude at any moment. The eyes that rested below its far-too-prominent forehead took up so much face – it was like looking into the eyes of some satanic owl. A satanic owl with slits that led to hell in place of its pupils. He had to give the thing credit – it looked pretty terrifying.

Rick shook himself; enough facial examination. "The portal gun is off the table. You can have a spaceship or my idiot ex son-in-law."

The demon pouted, or tried to pout – something with hell for eyes and a shark mouth can only pout so much. "You're no fun, Rrricky. How about we strike another deal? I'll help you with whatever project it is you are doing, and you let me walk in this reality for the night. Seems like a win-win to me."

"Yea, whatever." Rick responded. "You'll be done with my project as soon as we get Unity and kill Beta-Seven. Then you can romp and play until the sun sends you back to your hell-hole of a home."

The demon's frown didn't last for long. "So who is this Unity we are looking for? How about you describe her for me? Perhaps tell me her real name?"

Rick leaned against his work table. "Nice try, Glip Glop. No names for you. Unity is a hivemind, but she usually looks like a bunch of redheads... Well, at least when I'm around."

The thing in the circle grinned, then started transforming. Its slitted eyes became perfect almonds in the middle of a blue effeminate face. Red hair sprouted from its head, separated by three yellow prongs. A tiny pink tongue slipped out of its mouth to wet a pair of pouting peach lips. Its body changed into a perfect hourglass, balanced by a perfectly round butt and huge bouncing breasts.

Rick's heart skipped a beat. He leaned forward, leaving behind his work bench. The thing looked just like Unity last time he had seen her.

The thing talked, "I can see why you're looking for her. I think I'd enjoy being in this body." It winked. "Why don't you come a little closer, Rick. For old time's sake."

The thing stood at the edge of the salt, hands behind its back. Rick walked forward, eyes wide and focused on its face. He stopped just before the salt, the toe of his shoes barely touching the circle. The demon parted its lips, then again whispered, "For old time's sake."

Rick closed his eyes and leaned in, hands still in his pockets. He felt warm lips against his, just barely pushing. Its breath smelled like cherry blossoms and velocitinis. The lips began moving, becoming more eager. Rick's breath left him.

Rick heard the door to the garage open behind him. Morty's voice rang out.

"Oh my god ew! What are you doing grandpa! Wha, what is this!"

Rick jerked his head back. The thing standing in front of him was back to its original form; a devil in crushed leather. A ghastly grin spread across its face. Rick looked down; his feet had almost broken the circle.

Rick didn't even look back. "Morty, if you ever enter the garage without knocking again, I'll kill your dad." Rick burped, the tiniest bit of saliva dripping down his chin. Burping was always his nervous tic.

"Geesh, fine." Morty backed out of the room, closing the door behind him.

The demon still stood at the edge of the circle, grinning like the world's most terrifying Cheshire cat. "You should be more careful, Ricky. You know demons are dangerous."

Rick stepped back. The annoyance was back, the disease flaring again. Or maybe it never left. "Yea, whatever. You forgot the glasses." He let out a sigh and took his hands out of his pockets. "Okay, let's do this."

Rick suddenly stepped forward, breaking the line of salt with his foot. The demon inhaled, slits dilating once again. The toothy grin never left its face. It stepped forward, leaving behind its cage of salt.

Rick heard the door open behind him. He turned, heart beating. Summer was standing there, arms crossed and annoyance on her face. Maybe annoyance was genetic. "Grandpa, Morty won't…" she began.

The demon rushed past him impossibly fast. It grabbed the portal gun on the table, pointed it behind Summer, and opened a green, glowing portal. Summer screamed and took a step back. The demon slammed its body against Summer, taking them both into the portal. Rick rushed for the door, but it was too late. The portal was gone.

Adrenaline rushed through Rick's veins. Emotions warred in Rick's mind – fear and anger fighting to take over the room left behind by surprise. Rick screamed, "Aaaaah! This is why you god damned knock!" His anger bubbled and grew, pushing his usual annoyance into furious desperation. He closed the door and banged his hands against the poorly paneled wood. "You cocksucking lying son of a bitch! I'll tear your intestines out from your asshole! I'll melt your brain while you scream for mercy! I'm going make you wish you were nothing but a fucking surface demon!" He held his fists against the wood, then dropped his arms and screamed again, "Morty!"

The door opened, smashing against Rick. "Oh Jesus Christ what the fuck are you doing that close to the door?" Rick asked.

Annoyance and worry filled Morty's face. "You've been screaming for almost an entire minute now. What the hell is going?"

Rick moved to his workshelf, heart beating beyond control. He ruffled through boxes of gadgets and contraptions. He stuffed the smaller inventions into the pockets of his lab coat and piled larger ones in his arms. "Grab my keys off the bench. I need your help."

Morty responded, "I'm not helping you anymore, Rick. I've already told you that." He turned to leave.

Rick stopped what he was doing and dropped his empty arm to his side. He tried to control his voice, but it was hard to keep calm when the idiot kept slowing down his plans. "Get over yourself. You're helping me, Morty" Rick replied. "I can't do this by myself. I need your help. We need to go get your sister."

Morty stopped midstep. "What? Where's summer? What happened?"

Rick leaned his head against one of the metal shelves and sighed. Morty walked up to him and stood at his side. "Rick, where's Summer? What are we doing?"

Rick stood there for a few seconds, the cool metal against his head relieving the pain that was building in his temple. He finally lifted his head up, keeping his eyes level with the box sitting in front of him. A burp left his mouth. "A demon took your sister, Morty. And it took my portal gun. We're going to go get them both, and before sunup. Now go grab my keys. We need to move fast." He felt the pain growing in his temple. "And grab my flask from my kitchen cupboard."

Morty didn't leave Rick's side. "Rick, how are we supposed to rescue summer without your portal gun? Why was there even a demon here in the first place?"

Rick's anger finally tipped him over the edge. "It doesn't fucking matter Morty! We're Rickmancing the Stone, Morty! Now you'll go get my keys and get my flask and never tell your mom or dad, Morty! Just grab my shit, and we'll Rickmance the Stone!"

Morty stepped away from Rick, worried and afraid at the same time. He turned around and walked to the workbench, grabbing Rick's keys. As he left the room to go to the kitchen, he whispered, "What does Rickmancing the Stone even mean?"


End file.
